"I Feel I'm a Transparent Person"

In this final entry, Lore shares some perspective on her official and un-official nationality.
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(How do you feel about the community today? What does it do for you? Does it serve a purpose in your life?)

(pause) The community—the community has served a big purpose in my life. I know that I am a part of it. I feel that I am looked at with cariño. This is how I perceive it. I think when I became closer to my religion and with the community of Salvador was when Rabbi Gustavo and Ruthy Kraselnik came to Salvador, nine years ago. They didn’t necessarily change so many things around, but they offered many interesting courses and it made a big difference. At that time—I told you beforehand that Philip used to read from the Torah, so Philip was very interested. He was fourteen years old; I got used to going to Synagogue on Saturday mornings also just to give him some encouragement. After a while he stopped going that often but I really enjoyed my services and I still do. Saturday prayers have a really big meaning for me. It’s like—I don’t know how to explain it. It’s—it gives me a whole new feeling. It makes me feel that there’s something more than just the day-to-day, and it really makes my week. So yes, the community has had its ups and downs, but it’s a very welcoming community. I think that there are a lot of very good people who form part of the community.

(Is that what being a Jew is for you?)

(pause) I don’t know. I always felt that being a Jew is keeping up with the traditions, but more than anything it is the upbringing that I received. I could not live any other way. I mean, I feel I’m a very transparent person, and I’m very—well, emotional, definitely, and I’m always looking to see where I can help. And I think this is part of the mitzvah, of the traditions that we have, and that really is making—makes me feel a Jew, a Jewess. It’s not really going to synagogue on Saturdays, but it’s having that close contact with God. I don’t know, it’s reading and getting meaning out of the Bible. That’s what it is. It’s just living the way that I live.

(You were born the year before Israel was founded?)

Yes.

(How do you feel about Israel? Do you feel anything for it?)

Actually, I have never been to Israel, and now I’m beginning to feel the urge to go and visit. I have heard and understood, first of all, that it’s a wonderful place to visit. There are a lot of different perspectives, of course, and there are a lot of different things to see. I definitely want to go to visit Israel. How do I feel about Israel? I feel stronger now about it. For me, for a while, it was just another country. That’s the one thing that is not too deeply embedded in me, but I do want to visit.

(How do you feel about Salvador?)

(pause) How do I feel about Salvador? Well, (pause)—I was born here. This is my country, without a doubt. But sometimes I feel I don’t belong here. Somehow there are things that if it would be in my power to change, I would love to do so. I would like to see the place look cleaner. I think I could live anywhere. I don’t think I—have my roots in any particular spot.

(That’s interesting. Despite the fact that you were born here?)

And I’ve lived here all my life except for those two years. So I think I could move away quite easily.

(Do you feel that you don’t fit—why do you feel that way? Is it just your thoughts about the country that make you feel that way?)

No, I just—I always think that I’m looked at as if I would be a foreigner. I don’t know why. But maybe if I would move away I would probably miss El Salvador. I don’t know.

(If someone were to ask you, “Where are you from?”—)

I always say I’m from El Salvador.

(Or “What’s your nationality?”—)

I’m Salvadoran. I will always answer you that. So people look at me and I say, “Yes, I know, it’s difficult to believe.” .....That’s my next line.

Transcript by Sandy Adler, Adler Enterprises LLC